


ideals of love.

by bhubblemilk



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Drabble, F/F, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 17:37:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18211475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bhubblemilk/pseuds/bhubblemilk
Summary: We’re taking baby steps into a relationship.





	ideals of love.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this is just a short drabble of me rambling about love, so it's just pure fluff here.

“Does it ever bother you?”

Your exhausted voice caught Jeongin’s attention and he turned to look at you from the book he was reading, randomly chosen from the row of books from your room’s bookshelf.

You had been sick, and you didn’t think to tell Jeongin—your boyfriend—about it because you didn’t want him to worry about you. But he found out through a friend of yours from school anyway, and he managed to get your home address without directly telling you he planned to head over to find you.

He was a little disappointed about it at first, that it didn’t occur to you that taking care of your well-being was his top priority, but seeing you after you opened the door, with a pale face that magnified the redness of your cheeks and your back slightly bent over, his prior disappointment simply melted away in a blink of an eye.

He had grabbed a hold of your weak form and guided you back to your bed before he began—with your permission, of course—to go through your kitchen to see if he could make something warm for you to eat because apparently, none of your parents were home.

“What bothers me?” He asked, standing up from the chair and approaching your bed, where he sat down on the floor and leaned his arm against the bedside.

“Me,” you replied.

Jeongin hummed, bewildered but he wasn’t showing it, “Why will you bother me?”

“Well, not just me but like–” you ducked your face under the cover as you felt another coughing fit come up.

Jeongin’s lips arched downwards for a moment. He reached out to your nightstand and grabbed the tissue box, taking out two of those papers before sitting on the edge of your bed, waiting for you to settle down.

“Here, spit,” he said when he pressed the tissue to your mouth, “The phlegm.”

“I can do it myself, Jeong,” your face was red and you were pretty sure it was from the blush instead of the sickness for a moment there.

Jeongin grimaced, “Just do it, I’m gonna have to throw it away for you anyway.”

You grumbled lowly and looked away, spitting into the tissue before Jeongin crumbled it up with a look of indifference and went to throw the papers away. When he returned to your side, his expression was one of concern when he saw your saddened pout.

“This is what I’m talking about,” you mumbled as you laid back down on your pillow and pulled the covers up to your shoulders, feeling the comfort of the warm blanket, “You always take such good care of me and I can’t…I can’t even hold your hand comfortably.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that you have to wait for me to be ready?”

Jeongin’s eyes widened a fraction. That was very unexpected from you. You were always so giggly and humorous, traits that he had fallen so deeply in love with, that you never struck him as someone who would be insecure about this.

Surely, you still haven’t been able to completely dive into the life of being in a committed relationship, but it wasn’t like he walked into it without any warning. And Jeongin understood that sometimes people need time to adjust to the sudden change in their life, of knowing that they’re bound to someone by the promise of saying yes.

Just because he was ready doesn’t mean his partner has to be, and him choosing to be with you only meant that he was willing to wait. And he was grateful that you, too, willingly gave him the chance to wait for you.

“No, I love taking care of you,” Jeongin replied softly, leaning his cheek against your bed and reaching out to run his hand through your hair. “And no, I think waiting is a part of the process to wherever we’re heading towards so it doesn’t bother me. Nothing about you ever bothers me, not even when you eat really slowly and you can’t help with cleaning up the dishes.”

You chuckled. Jeongin said it in such a cheesy way that you felt the need to let out even the slightest laugh. “The porridge is great, where did you learn to make it?” You asked.

“I just called Woojin-hyung,” he shrugged.

You nodded knowingly, and Jeongin grinned. His hands still ran against the locks of your hair and as much as you wanted to lean into his hand, you couldn’t find the energy to do so. Therefore, you resulted in staring at him, who was also looking back at you.

“You always look like you’re in love with me, how do you do that?” You pointed out shyly, but your body had relaxed upon his tender gaze.

Jeongin had always looked at you with such fondness that you sometimes find it overwhelming. Maybe it was the silver gleams in them or just the roundness of his big puppy eyes.

There was a certain kind of gentle intensity in his eyes, all mixed up with love, desire, and affection, that made you feel as if you were beautiful.

And you  _are_ , beautiful, in his eyes.

It was a miracle that got descended upon you, that if you ever forget how worthy you are all you need to do is look into Jeongin’s eyes and you will remember someone out there—Jeongin for you, in this case—adores your pure soul with their entire being.

Jeongin smiled slowly at your question, and at you, “It’s easy, you just have to always be in love with the person you’re looking at, like how I am doing it right now.”

You hummed with a smile, your chest was heavy from the fever but your mind floated with the playful kind of love you two shared. And, for the first time, you reached out to take Jeongin’s hand, removing it from the midst of your hair.

Jeongin felt his heart lightening at your abrupt action. It came as a surprise to him, that you were just complaining about not being able to take his hands comfortably but now you were taking the initiative. But he wasn’t complaining about it, he loved it.

As if on cue, he laced his fingers through yours just as you were doing it, squeezing your hand firmly to convey reassurance and safety.

“Can you stay here?” You mumbled.

“Of course,” Jeongin replied curtly, reaching out of his pocket to take out his phone, planning to wait here until you fall asleep again.

You cracked a small smile and sunk into your pillow, “Thank you… you always take such good care of me…”

Jeongin smiled, you could faintly hear it from the small airy noise he made through his nose, and you were at least ninety percent sure it wasn’t because he saw something funny on his phone.

“Of course,” he said, turning to look at you to make sure you were already asleep. He glanced at your intertwined hands briefly, feeling light butterflies in his stomach, “because I love you.”

And there he said it.

* * *

“Something is bothering you, isn’t it?”

You could barely give Jeongin a glance when he said that, as you two sat next to each other on the bench in the park.

You two usually don’t head anywhere too far away from school after it ended. The local library or nearest coffee shop was usually your go-to when you two wanted to spend some time together after school before heading separate ways back home.

And those times were always the moments that made you the happiest because your worries melt away when you allow yourself to bask in Jeongin’s caring presence. You were able to momentarily forget about the hardships you have to face from school or at home.

But while Jeongin was content that he has the ability to keep your troubles away for a moment, perhaps he was getting a little greedy with this, he wanted to be the one who sticks in a helping hand and solve them for you at the same time. Or at least just to give you a piece of advice, something insightfully honest that could nudge you to the right path.

He couldn’t really do that when you never talk about your own problems, when you always bottle up your emotions and expect him to overlook the downward arch of your lips that appears or the way your jaw set harshly every time you think he wasn’t looking.

Jeongin had decided to wait for you to tell him about it eventually, if time was essentially what you needed to adjust and open up yourself to him. But whatever was on your mind have been eating your positive energy away and leaving just a shell of who you were.

To people who aren’t close enough to you, they probably would not have noticed if you simply fake your way out of it. But Jeongin isn’t just somebody, he is your partner, your person. He is the one who took notes for you when you fell asleep in class, the one who knew to order you a drink with seventy-five percent sugar and less ice, the one who ran out to get takeout for you when you could hardly sit up on your bed.

Jeongin could feel you, deep in his heart. He knew that you have been off lately and it hurt him that you chose to take the burden all on your own.

You rubbed your hands together, nervous, “No, I’m fine. I’ve just been kind of out of it, but don’t worry. I’ll bounce back.”

Jeongin let out a small sigh as he pulled away, defeated. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to pressure you into speaking and stress you out even more with the idea that he was probably frustrated too, on his own terms.

“Okay,” Jeongin muttered, “I just don’t want you to go through anything alone because I made a promise that I’ll always be there for you, whether it’s a good event or a bad event. But if you can’t tell me right now, it’s fine. I’ll wait.”

You looked over at him, “When did you promise me that? You never promised me that.”

“I did, the day I confessed to you is the day the silent vow is made,” Jeongin said as a matter-of-factly, “A promise doesn’t have to be spoken for it to be established.”

“Promises can be broken.”

“It can also be kept, and I intend to keep it.”

You pursed your lips together. For a moment, you were unsure why fate decided that you were good enough for a boy as patient and as kind as Yang Jeongin, but he likes you and he made a promise to be yours just as you made a promise to be his.

And perhaps the promise doesn’t have a formal passage written out on paper for couples to recite out loud, perhaps the promise will remain unspoken. But through the loving actions and mutual trust a certain two (or more) people have for each other, it could most definitely be conveyed.

Love is, after all, patient and kind. It’s accepting and trusting. And you should be able to be as unaware of your surroundings and any negative thoughts as you can because within its presence, you will be safe.

You held out your palm for Jeongin to hold, which he did within a blink of an eye. Pulling your hands on top of your lap, you didn’t look at him when you spoke, “I don’t know what to do, Jeongin.”

“About what?”

“My parents have been arguing for the past few weeks. They argue sometimes, it’s not weird for them to have disputes around the house, but I really think this is it,” you replied, looking straight at the fallen leaves that rolled on the ground, “I don’t think even I can make them stay together anymore, that is how bad it got.”

You looked to him, “What if they ask me to choose between the two of them, who am I suppose to go with? I know mom will defiantly be able to provide more for me since she’s the one with a more stable job, but dad–god, dad’s beaten, he’s going to be devastated if I don’t go with him!”

Jeongin held up his hand when you began to ramble, when you began to get a little heated up about the made-up scenario you have created in your head to scare yourself, “Okay, let’s calm down a little here. Nothing is said and done yet so let’s not assume the worst.”

You breathed out a deep sigh. You really wanted to heed his advice on not jumping to the conclusion about your parents’ relationship but being the person who was forced to listen in on their argument outside the door every night as you tried to fall sleep in your bed, the act of rational thinking was easier said than done.

And you had realized, from time to time, that whenever you felt particularly upset over certain things that your parents have yelled at each other, you had wanted Jeongin to be there. You had genuinely believed that his presence would have soothed your agitated state down.

For whenever something tragic happens, the first person you will want to see is always the one you love, to receive a kind of comfort that none other can give you.

“I’ll try my best,” you nodded, laying your head on his shoulder, “Can I stay with you if I really can’t pick a side when the time comes?”

“I will let you stay with me, definitely,” Jeongin giggled, “Just not sure if my mom is going to let you off easily, though. She has been wanting to meet you ever since I let your name slip during dinner.”

You pulled away a little, your face filled with sparks of amusement and mischievousness that made Jeongin’s heart relax as it burned with fires of affection that spread through his veins and lit up his mind. And he quickly broke into a wide grin.

“I’m a little betrayed that I am not a common topic during family dinner time but I guess I can forgive you,” you hummed with feign annoyance, “What do you tell them about me? Were you secretly talking bad about me?”

Jeongin let out a laugh, reaching out to cup your cheeks in his hands and pressing them together, making your lips pucker. You let out a whiny noise that only made him laugh louder, filling your heat with joy.

“I tell them about how you’re a very kind-hearted and caring person, especially to me. And I tell them how you are very hard-working,” Jeongin listed on, “You know, just all the reasons why I love you so much.”

And there he said it again, except this time you were wide awake.

Your eyes were wide and your mind went hazy. You felt glad that he said it, as sudden as it was, and you desperately wanted to say it back to him, but when you opened your mouth, nothing seemed to come out.

You two have only ever exchanged words akin to the three magical ones Jeongin had just uttered out of his mouth, something like “You’re the best.” or “I like you a lot.” And you weren’t even sure what made those three particular words way scarier and more valuable than millions of other kinds of confessions words out there.

Was it because it’s a huge declaration? Was it that when you meant the words, they make you vulnerable due to you showing complete honesty and opening up to the other person as you say them? Was it because the three words could steer another way and lead to a complete disaster?

But what was so bad about being vulnerable in front of Jeongin? You have been in all kinds of defeated state before and he had been there to hold your hands through them. Jeongin had always guarded your feelings like his own, a disaster is unlikely to happen.

There should be nothing stopping you, you realized.

You nodded quickly, gaze boring into his eyes and voice high in a breathless way, “Me–me too. I love you too.”

Jeongin’s lips curled up, “You don’t have to say it just because I said it.”

“No, Jeongin, I mean it! I love you,” you laughed, your shoulder hunching in a giddy motion. The three words weighted less after the first time you said it, but its meaning remained the same amount of importance.

“Are you sure? Don’t you need some time to get used to everything?” Jeongin asked, “Oh, I messed up. I shouldn’t have said it.”

You shook your head frantically, holding this hands in place, “I do need some more time, but I think I love you more than I need the time, so it is completely fine with me. You didn’t do the wrong thing.”

Jeongin stared at you, his lips parted and his gaze struck with the gentle swirls of silver and black, like stars in a black sky. There it was again, the look that he uses whenever his eyes land on your face, a look that you never thought you would have the chance to receive.

“I’ve said it too many times already,” Jeongin whispered under his breath as he leaned in to nudge the tip of his nose against yours. “I think you already know what I want to tell you.”

“I am pretty sure I do,” you giggled.

Ah, the power of loving someone. It just kicks away everything else, doesn’t it? Your worries, your fears, your other needs. It makes you believe that it’s all you need, love, when in reality it isn’t, and that is absolutely powerful. Perhaps too much power for just one particular feeling.

And when you realize that you can make a sacrifice. When you choose to do something you don’t like because the one you love, loves it, whether it was sitting through a boring football game with them or giving them the last piece of delicious pizza.

That is when you two have made it.

* * *

“Can I kiss you?”

It was quite funny, really, that you two had achieved the ability to declare love towards each other with words, but still you two haven’t found the right moment to do one of the most intimate act: a kiss.

It was quite funny, but nothing was ever out of order when it comes to love. Every couple heads towards the goal of forever at their own pace, with their own steps.

You headed to Jeongin’s home after school to work on a school project, and unlike how most of your friends who had flashed you little winks and shoved you out of the classroom had thought, you and Jeongin did spend the whole afternoon working on things related to school.

It was when you two decided to take a small break, that was when something finally happened. It was soft feet nudges to each other’s sides at first, before it turned into a full-blown tickle fight that escalated into him chasing you around his small room.

And when Jeongin finally grabbed a hold of you, he circled his arm around your waist to hoist you up and playfully threw you onto his messy bed, quickly climbing on top of you to prevent you from running away from him again.

Your hands were flat against his chest as you giggled up at him, his forearm supported himself up at each side of your shoulders. Your laughter died immediately when he leaned close, to a point where all you could really see was him and all you could feel was his breath on your skin.

Unsure of where to look, you sunk your head into the pillow and searched for his eyes. His gaze was alternating between your eyes and your lips, it was almost as if he was trying to drop hints on what his mind was yelling at him to do so you could give him a signal to go for it.

After a little while, he asked the question, and your face reddened.

You were pretty sure it was just the excitement of doing this for the first time and with the right person. The timing was as cliche as it could be but at least it was the right timing. The little knot in your chest urged you to say yes, banging against your ribcage like there was no tomorrow, and you did.

Jeongin moved down to capture your lips and simultaneously, you both sucked in a breath. Hearing the sharp sound of air, you couldn’t help but giggle as you tried to keep your lips pursed due to having his pressing down on them.

Jeongin pulled away a little, his eyebrows arched into a look of utter love-struck and defeat on his face, “I can’t do this seriously if you laugh, (Name)!”

“I know, I’m sorry! But we–we breathed in at the same time, really loudly, and I just–” you paused to contain yourself, but Jeongin’s deadpan expression only led you to giggle even more frantically than you originally was, “I’m so sorry, I love you so much but–it’s really not even that funny but I can’t help it!”

Jeongin grumbled lightly under his breath as he moved his hands to meet your face. He placed his thumbs on your cheeks and leaned in to press several pecks on your lips, letting the last one linger a few seconds longer to mark the end of this awkward, first-kiss session.

He fell down next to you and pulled you into his arms, tugging you under his chin where your face fit perfectly. You were still giggling, and Jeongin finally let a smile grace his lovely lips.

Your first kiss was unlike how everything described it to be. There was no moonlight, no fireworks, no sky full of stars. It was just plain old you and Jeongin, two people who love each other widely and two people too naive to grasp the idea of seriously kissing each other. But it was fine, there were plenty of next times.

And even if they aren’t as romantic as the movies described, and if they are to be as playful and laughable as this one, you would be completely fine with it. And you would pick this over any other kinds of kisses in the world because this one was just as perfect as those yet to come, as it was so fulfilling and so endearing, as it tasted so much like forever.

As Jeongin held you in his arms, his arms securely around your waist and his lips stroking the lashes of your eyes, you remembered the way Jeongin had given you exactly what you needed: time and gentleness. He held your fragile heart in his hands and he cradled it with infinite care despite his own frustrations.

You believed this was what love should feel like. With a sense of comfort and safety, with the wish for eternity together with this other person, and the unspoken promise that Jeongin will love you forever.

And yes, perhaps promises are made to be broken, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to keep them.

And loving you forever is a promise that Jeongin intends to keep.


End file.
